eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
