How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
