Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
