my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
