im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is Oprah even human
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
