I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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