Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Can you repeat that, but with context?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
