; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
