I accidentally had phone sex last night
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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