giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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