I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
