you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
