Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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