I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
