that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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