It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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