did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
