saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
