I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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