I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
