What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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