i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
