While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
