I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
