pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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