I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
