Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
