if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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