Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
