I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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