lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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