its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
