i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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