My liver just broke up with me...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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