sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
