In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
