I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
