i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
