I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
