Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
