I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
