i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
