I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
