when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
