I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
