what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
