does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
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