It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
