Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
