I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
