It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
