she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i think my cat just said my name.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
