I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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