:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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