i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
