Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
