Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize