Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I need to sanitize my soul.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
