He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
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