i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So many bounce houses so little time
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
