I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
