I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
