Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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