Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
