how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
