do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
