Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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