I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize