I think I won the penis lottery.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
