Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
