Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
