I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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