Welp...herpes.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize