I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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