I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
