Moan for me like Helen Keller
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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