I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
