i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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