I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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