My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
they're like a gay fantastic four
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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