I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
