and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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