I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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