i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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