what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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