i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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