Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
