everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
