is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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