4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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