Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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