So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
