he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
