It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My feet surprised me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
