Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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