Clothes are such an inconvenience.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize