I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
