You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize