Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I supernannyed him into submission
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
