grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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