i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have already put on my inside pants.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
