Christians are straight up FREAKS
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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