I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
