The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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