Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
