I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
