i always forget guys have bellybuttons
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
