It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
