pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
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